The first of this week was a rollercoaster and extremely stressful, and I'm still kind of struggling to get the hang of having a little dog in my life that depends on me all the time when she's not napping, but with every day, it gets a bit easier, she listens better, gains independence, and we get deeper into the groove of life together. I've never had a responsibility quite this big before and it's been really hard to adjust, finding out how to do housework and commission work while she's asleep or my boyfriend looks after her... It's been a major life adjustment.
I'm having major issues with anxiety bringing her around my family and their dogs. Like, internal panic attacks. It's bad. Real bad, on constant alert, constantly afraid she'll do something and people will get mad at me for not being there to train her to be good, because whatever she does is directly my fault, and I hate confrontation of any sort... or she may start a fight because she has no manners... even though she's just a baby puppy... Everyone is telling me we're doing great with training her, people are impressed, and they tell me not to worry. I'm just so scared of not doing things perfectly. I feel like if I fuck up now, I might scar her for life or something. I'm just constantly vigilant of my performance with her. Very draining...
I'm sad that she has no dogs to play with either
every dog that we know in the family is either old, or not socialized. There's no dog parks even remotely close to us either. It sucks that we're going to have to wait till well after all her vaccinations are completed to take her around dogs that will be playful with her. She is learning some manners though from the old dogs she's been around with us, at least.
But my anxiety is getting less every day, I must say. I had a bad day yesterday with a panic attack, but I feel a lot better today. Today's the first day she's gone all day with no accident inside the house! She's been awesome today. Getting better on leash too! She listens so well and is so smart and adorable and I love her SO incredibly much, I'm so glad she's my baby, I love watching her have a great life so far, that fills me with pride. I can't wait for her to grow up so we can have adventures together, dogs fill a void that no other animal gets even close to. I don't think I've ever gone outside so much in my life and it feels great enjoying the outdoors with her even when it's mostly just on our property. It's just a nice change.